Schools can't teach social skills

But there are proven ways for parents to create workarounds for shaky social skills

There is still no treatment for social skills in school-aged kids that is approved by the FDA because there is no evidence that the treatments kid get in school make a difference long term. Schools provide interventions to kids who are annoying the teachers so they stop doing whatever is annoying.

Luckily, it’s okay because kids with autism do not need to interact with “normal” people because they will not have to do that as adults. Everyone I know with autism surrounds themselves with people who are like them. University of Cambridge is studying large cities and university towns to test whether autistic people congregate in certain locations. (Hello NYC optimizers!)

And, even surrounded by people we like, one of our favorite things to do is watch other people socialize — in a way where we can feel like we are part of it but we don’t have to figure out how to participate. As a parent I’ve always been like this also: when my kids are getting along I like to lurk, and enjoy from a distance.

I have a hard time with normal people, but normal people are never going to connect with me. I don’t really have much to offer them. I am too different from their comfort zone.  The only thing I learned about school was how to avoid most social situations. Mostly school wasted my time because it was either being quiet and listening or socializing in loud rooms, but what I’m best at is having a conversation about ideas or playing sports. (Note: this is what most boys are good at. It’s why girls do better in school.)

Everyone in my family have autism and even the ones who went to top universities did not learn any social skills from being in school. At best, school teaches really smart kids that they get rewards without having good social skills. And maybe that’s  for the better, because the kids who are popular in school end up struggling to have friends in their 20s.

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