Congrats on both kids in college! I retired recently after over 40 years in the United States Federal Government. I spent the first two years getting much needed repair and remodeling of my home done. I'm taking a break from the uproar of construction, and now doing artistic things.
Hi Penelope. It’s really hard when they leave isn’t it? We spend our lives wanting to bring them up to be independent whilst simultaneously dreading the day they’re no longer there. Then they are gone and we feel proud and bereft. They just came home for my birthday and I remembered how lovely it is to cook for them. I loved your pictures. They speak volumes.
Thanks re the pictures. I was scared to post pictures.
It must have felt so nice that your kids were home for your birthday. I remember reading your stories about your kids going in and out -- of the stories and the house and your life. I remember thinking, that must feel wierd. And now that I'm here, it does feel wierd. I am not sure when I will see them again, but I know I will see them again. They are so sweet when they call, but I am careful to not keep them on the phone too long.
At the risk of being blunt, speaking as someone currently buried in toddler insanity: get over yourself. Enjoy watching the next stage of their journey unfold, without being covered in 💩 I remember having to gently remind my mom that it was ok to not call me every day when I left for college (I was 4th of 5 kids so apparently letting go does not get easier for some people). There are things you just need space to figure out on your own as an adult. My husband and I have very long lists of things we would LOVE to do if we could send our kindergartner off to college tomorrow. I often wonder why parents don’t think about the question of “what now?” sooner. You are not your kid.
I hear you! I retired from the civil service--but I'm still chained down.
I'm the only relative overseeing the care of an indigent, depressed alcoholic relative with psychosis and now dementia.
He lives in an assisted living facility--after being taken in and kicked out of several relatives' homes over the years.
Years ago, he threatened very graphically to kill me.
I have to take him to medical appointments and also take him out to lunch once a week--otherwise, he'll act up and get kicked out of the assisted living facility.
He's in the best facility I could find--and I'm paying for part of his rent.
This year, I decided that after he's dead, I'm going to go on a tropical cruise!
You are one remarkable woman. This kind of diagnosis, the threat and financial piece are something few people are able to navigate. Might I ask, doesn't your state have public funding programs to cover his cost of living? Have you considered working with the local mental health alliance who might be able to provide a volunteer to take him out every other week for your well-being? Best wishes.
Hi Candice, thanks for the kind words. My relative does receive State money covering part of his rent, and I pay the rest from his Social Security money and make up the difference from my checking account. I'm afraid that I'd worry too much about someone taking him out; recently, we drove past a liquor store and he got excited. He said, "Give me $5" and I said no--then he got angry and sullen and complained all the way back to his assisted living facility. There he got out of the car and yelled and walked around. How would he behave with a stranger?
My hunch he does this with you because you are family. The mental health alliance in my area has volunteers trained to redirect inappropriate behavior~ just a thought to give you reprieve. And a volunteer just might induce better behavior from him and appreciate you. It is interesting the payment formula for him~ I live in the heart of the Midwest with managed care that subsidizes cost of care for those needing public assistance~ families pay no out-of-pocket. After forty years in long-term care, I appreciate your dedication~ it is not an easy endeavor amid the diagnoses.
Candice and CMEL, thanks for your suggestions. I just messaged the social workers at the Baltimore VA Medical Center and asked them for referrals to veteran organizations. I'm going to be operated on next month. Maybe a volunteer can take him out for coffee while I'm recovering.
Great news! Both Candice and CMEL (I do not know why I came up differently) wish you lots of luck on your surgery and getting some assist with your cousin. He has a heavy cross to bear and so fortunate to have you. Thanks for the update. Take care.
This is such a cruel comment that I doubt you actually have a toddler. And if you are, maybe consider how you relate to them and why you come off sounding like you dislike your own child so much. I'm knee deep in poop as well - it's not that big of a deal.
Buy and inflatable paddle board and learn a new skill. All in one work out and it doesn't even feel like it you are getting much done but it works! Then you don't need to brain talk mantra that when you get into better shape it won't hurt anymore. Plus, when you get tired or bored with paddling you can lay down on a 6" bed of air and float on water. Ahhhh If you have a nice lake and calm water, you can use up at least 2 hours.
I'm learning french so I can teach it to my children. They are 3 and 10 months. I know language learning will be (is?) obsolete. I keep telling myself it's about the process not the outcome. Plus I've got to do something with my time apart from wiping down high chairs and sticky faces. Thanks for your notes from the other side.
stunning 💫 the last panel in your journal made me cry 😢
Congrats on both kids in college! I retired recently after over 40 years in the United States Federal Government. I spent the first two years getting much needed repair and remodeling of my home done. I'm taking a break from the uproar of construction, and now doing artistic things.
This post is exquisite in capturing your big and little feels. Love the one-image-only per feel. Well done, mama!
Hi Penelope. It’s really hard when they leave isn’t it? We spend our lives wanting to bring them up to be independent whilst simultaneously dreading the day they’re no longer there. Then they are gone and we feel proud and bereft. They just came home for my birthday and I remembered how lovely it is to cook for them. I loved your pictures. They speak volumes.
Thanks re the pictures. I was scared to post pictures.
It must have felt so nice that your kids were home for your birthday. I remember reading your stories about your kids going in and out -- of the stories and the house and your life. I remember thinking, that must feel wierd. And now that I'm here, it does feel wierd. I am not sure when I will see them again, but I know I will see them again. They are so sweet when they call, but I am careful to not keep them on the phone too long.
At the risk of being blunt, speaking as someone currently buried in toddler insanity: get over yourself. Enjoy watching the next stage of their journey unfold, without being covered in 💩 I remember having to gently remind my mom that it was ok to not call me every day when I left for college (I was 4th of 5 kids so apparently letting go does not get easier for some people). There are things you just need space to figure out on your own as an adult. My husband and I have very long lists of things we would LOVE to do if we could send our kindergartner off to college tomorrow. I often wonder why parents don’t think about the question of “what now?” sooner. You are not your kid.
This is such an insensitive comment.
I hear you! I retired from the civil service--but I'm still chained down.
I'm the only relative overseeing the care of an indigent, depressed alcoholic relative with psychosis and now dementia.
He lives in an assisted living facility--after being taken in and kicked out of several relatives' homes over the years.
Years ago, he threatened very graphically to kill me.
I have to take him to medical appointments and also take him out to lunch once a week--otherwise, he'll act up and get kicked out of the assisted living facility.
He's in the best facility I could find--and I'm paying for part of his rent.
This year, I decided that after he's dead, I'm going to go on a tropical cruise!
This dream helps keep me sane.
You are one remarkable woman. This kind of diagnosis, the threat and financial piece are something few people are able to navigate. Might I ask, doesn't your state have public funding programs to cover his cost of living? Have you considered working with the local mental health alliance who might be able to provide a volunteer to take him out every other week for your well-being? Best wishes.
Hi Candice, thanks for the kind words. My relative does receive State money covering part of his rent, and I pay the rest from his Social Security money and make up the difference from my checking account. I'm afraid that I'd worry too much about someone taking him out; recently, we drove past a liquor store and he got excited. He said, "Give me $5" and I said no--then he got angry and sullen and complained all the way back to his assisted living facility. There he got out of the car and yelled and walked around. How would he behave with a stranger?
My hunch he does this with you because you are family. The mental health alliance in my area has volunteers trained to redirect inappropriate behavior~ just a thought to give you reprieve. And a volunteer just might induce better behavior from him and appreciate you. It is interesting the payment formula for him~ I live in the heart of the Midwest with managed care that subsidizes cost of care for those needing public assistance~ families pay no out-of-pocket. After forty years in long-term care, I appreciate your dedication~ it is not an easy endeavor amid the diagnoses.
Candice and CMEL, thanks for your suggestions. I just messaged the social workers at the Baltimore VA Medical Center and asked them for referrals to veteran organizations. I'm going to be operated on next month. Maybe a volunteer can take him out for coffee while I'm recovering.
Great news! Both Candice and CMEL (I do not know why I came up differently) wish you lots of luck on your surgery and getting some assist with your cousin. He has a heavy cross to bear and so fortunate to have you. Thanks for the update. Take care.
This is such a cruel comment that I doubt you actually have a toddler. And if you are, maybe consider how you relate to them and why you come off sounding like you dislike your own child so much. I'm knee deep in poop as well - it's not that big of a deal.
Buy and inflatable paddle board and learn a new skill. All in one work out and it doesn't even feel like it you are getting much done but it works! Then you don't need to brain talk mantra that when you get into better shape it won't hurt anymore. Plus, when you get tired or bored with paddling you can lay down on a 6" bed of air and float on water. Ahhhh If you have a nice lake and calm water, you can use up at least 2 hours.
I'm learning french so I can teach it to my children. They are 3 and 10 months. I know language learning will be (is?) obsolete. I keep telling myself it's about the process not the outcome. Plus I've got to do something with my time apart from wiping down high chairs and sticky faces. Thanks for your notes from the other side.